How to support employees who are coping with grief and loss

The death of a loved one is something that most of us will experience at some point in our lives. Our reaction to loss – the process of grieving – is typically one of the most painful experiences we ever face.

How does grief affect us?

According to World Psychiatry, the process of grief can be different for everyone, but typical emotions include shock, anguish, anger, guilt, regret, anxiety, fear, loneliness, sadness, and depression. Some may also feel positive emotions such as relief, joy, peace and happiness, which sometimes lead to feelings of confusion or guilt. For most people, the process of grief never really ends. Emotions often return from time to time throughout the rest of their life.

In the acute stage of grief – which occurs in the days and months directly following a loss – people may consistently feel intensely painful emotions, have difficulty concentrating and sleeping, and lose interest in other people or normal activities.

As time goes on, most people transition to the integrated grief stage, during which the deep emotional pain and sadness begin to heal. But even though they start to get back to their normal self, feelings of grief often return – especially during the holidays, on birthdays and anniversaries and at times of stress. Sometimes waves of grief will occur at times when they're least expected.

About 10 percent of grieving people fail to transition from acute to integrated grief. This is called "complicated grief." When this happens, the bereaved person becomes emotionally "stuck" with prolonged feelings of yearning, disbelief, anger, bitterness, intrusive thoughts, sadness, frustration and anxiety.

Supporting a grieving employee

Don't underestimate your ability to make a real difference for a coworker or employee who is grieving. Your support can make a positive impact on how your colleague heals, particularly in the weeks and months after they first return to work.

The Center for Loss & Life Transition® provides the following tips for supporting an employee or coworker:

• Go to the funeral. Even if you didn't personally know the person who died, your employee can use all of the support they can get.
• Be patient. Realize that your employee likely will have difficulty with attention, memory and motivation. If you are a manager, be careful about assigning new responsibilities during this time.
• Reach out. Let the employee know you are aware of the loss and are thinking about him or her. Let them know you are available to listen if they want to talk. You may want to join others in sending flowers or a sympathy card.
• Listen. Concentrate on listening to your employee's words. You don't have to say anything. Just being present and willing to listen patiently can be a big comfort and help with the healing process.
• Be careful what you say. Don't offer clichés like "You're never given more than you can handle" or "Time heals all wounds." This minimizes the pain that grieving people feel and may make them feel like they're not understood.
• Don't judge. Some people return to work quickly because their normal routine can provide comfort and support. They may act as if everything is OK. Stay available for them to share their grief later.
• Make sure your grieving colleague is aware of resources that can help, such as an employee assistance program.

The University of Southern Florida offers the following advice for managers who have a grieving employee:

• Have compassion. Grief in the workplace is difficult for everyone. The grieving employee may be more emotional than normal and have bouts of sadness and irritability. This can affect morale for everyone but be patient during these emotional ups and downs. Accept these emotions as part of the natural grieving process and create a supportive office culture.
• Communicate. Talk with your employee in a safe and private space and acknowledge their loss. Answer questions about bereavement leave and the time-off policy. Set expectations at work and help put them at ease.
• Be patient. It's not fair to expect your employee to perform at the same level they did before their loss. They may be distracted, feel depressed and have trouble performing their normal work duties. Over time, the quality of their work should improve.
• Provide accommodations. If possible, allow a grieving employee to leave early or take time alone in the middle of the workday.
• Offer resources. Employee assistance programs and paid bereavement leave can be a great help during this time.

Allstate Benefits can help

Allstate Benefits offers flexible, convenient and cost-effective solutions that can help your employees work their way through the grieving process.

Virtual counseling visits are available for members age 10 and older through Recuro Health. Licensed therapists can help with a wide range of mental and emotional health needs and provide ongoing support, on your employee's schedule, from the comfort of their home via phone and/or video visits in as little as 48 hours. Recuro Health virtual care visits are available to members at little or no cost depending on your plan selection.

Contact a Group Health sales executive to learn more about how Allstate Benefits can help your company and your employees.

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